Our baby is turning three

 

It is with such bittersweet emotions that I am experiencing Liam's first birthay home with us. No one can prepare you for the emotions that follow traveling half way around the world to adopt a child someone else gave birth to and ultimately felt they had to abandon. Abandon isn't the term many adoptive parents wants to use but it is the fact of the matter. I still can't allow myself to believe that someone who gave birth to this precious boy didn't desire with all of her heart to keep him safe and to love him her entire life. I never knew I would be haunted by visions of what must have happened to break that precious bond between mother and son. Oh how I pray that Liam will have peace over his past. Most days I let myself think of his past almost as a work of fiction but there are times I have to allow myself to live in the realilty of it all. But here we are half way around the world from where he started his life and it seems as though there hasn't been a minute without him. There were so many times from when we first felt called to adopt in July of 2007 that I questionned myself and pondered whether this was really God's calling for me and for our family. God remained present through it all and led us through every step. Yet, still I allowed myself to question Him through it all. If this was His plan, why did it take so long? Our ever faithful Father knew exactly why we waited. If we had deviated at all then this precious little boy wouldn't be our son. I never worried that I would be able to love another child...until I met this child. Of course I loved him from the beginning but could not have fathomed how in love I am with him today. In my 42 years of life, nothing has brought me more joy than being Liam's mama. I love my husband and older 3 children with all my heart but feel that I chose each of them. I desired them and my desires were fulfilled. With Liam it is different. I feel like God led us to Liam and we were obedient. As a result, God has fulfilled our desires more than I believed was humanly possible. So on the eve of what we will celebrate as his third birthday, I can rest knowing he will be with us for always and forever until God calls us home. We will never know about the first part of his life but half a world away a woman who gave birth to this heavenly creature will only ever know about a brief period of his life. She, in turn, will be haunted by the not knowing about the rest of his life. May God grant her peace. May He reveal himself to her and may she know she can be forgiven. May she one day be reunited with the son to whom she gave birth. Happy Birthday Liam.